


My Home Will Always Be With You

by quartzguts



Category: Final Fantasy X
Genre: Afterlife, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-09-26 10:02:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20387902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quartzguts/pseuds/quartzguts
Summary: Tidus has a series of conversations in the Farplane that change his perspective on things.





	My Home Will Always Be With You

**Author's Note:**

> i should probably mention here that i haven't finished ffx2

\---

Tidus was thinking too much, but maybe that was a side effect of being dead. He had an eternity to do nothing but think, after all.

He had accepted his fate weeks ago, when the Fayth told him the truth; he'd known this was coming. And honestly? He was at peace with it. It was sort of funny, if he thought about it. He had been so dead set against Yuna sacrificing herself for the world, but when it came down to it he'd had no problem doing it himself. If it was a choice between her - between using the Final Aeon and keeping Sin at bay for a few months at most - and him, well. It wasn't really a choice.

Not to mention the other stuff. A broken cycle, the Fayth's rest. An eternal calm. There were countless reasons Tidus could think of for why he had to die. Endless justifications. But from the very start he knew just one would be enough.

Spira hadn't been his world. He'd never belonged there.

Sure, maybe he'd have been able to make a life there, after enough time had passed. Rent a house in Luca, play blitzball with the Aurochs, find a nice girl and marry her. But he knew he'd still dream of Zanarkand at night, and he'd never be able to kiss anyone else without imagining Yuna's soft lips. She was the only thing really trying him to Spira. With her gone - he had no place there.

He could probably find a place here, though.

An endless sea. Blisteringly bright under the light of - well, of whatever lit this place, since it didn't have a sun. To his right, a beach, soft sand littered with hard shells that crunched under his feet. To his left, an endless expanse of flowers. It was odd, seeing the beach almost melt into that eternal garden, stretching on forever. Tidus had tried walking through the waves and into the flowers once, trying to note when exactly the transition started, but by the time he’d noticed the waves had receded he was already knee deep in petals and leaves. It was best to leave it be. If the Farplane wanted to be weird, he'd let it.

Tidus loses his eyes. He managed about another ten seconds of uninterrupted thought before the silence was broken by a "hey, kid!"

He turned around to see Jecht at the shoreline. He was holding a blitzball against his hip, standing somewhat awkwardly. Tidus wondered if it would always be this weird between them. He'd forgiven Jecht for everything, but he had a feeling that Jecht hadn't forgiven himself.

"You up for a game?" Jecht asked, rubbing the crook of his neck with his free hand.

"Sorry, not today," Tidus called back, not bothering to leave the waves. He felt oddly lazy, unwilling to put the effort into walking back.

Jecht opened and closed his mouth a few times before clearing his throat. "You okay, kid? You've been standing out there for a while."

Had he? He vaguely remembered watching the subtle shift of day to night and back again a few times at least. Maybe he _ had _been standing there too long.

"Alright, I'm coming in," Tidus yelled, but something kept him in the water regardless. He couldn't will his feet to move, and couldn't force himself to care.

Jecht just looked at him, obviously unsure of what to do. "Uh."

Tidus smiled. "Go in, Dad. I'll be back in a few."

Jecht returned his smile with a lopsided grin of his own and left, tossing the blitzball up in the air as he walked. Tidus turned back to the waves and flowers.

He wondered what Yuna was doing.

\---

"Hey, long time no see," Tidus said as Auron took a seat next to him. They were sitting on the steps of the house Tidus had picked out for himself, Jecht, and Auron. Rather, he'd picked it out for himself and Auron, without thinking about his father. It was only after Jecht had stuttered indignantly that Tidus realized he even wanted to live with him again.

Which made sense. Of course it did. They were father and son, they should live under the same roof. Why hadn't he thought of that?

Auron had given into his demands despite his offhanded comment about wanting a break from babysitting duty. Tidus knew he didn't mean it; Auron liked being close to the people he loved. If he distanced himself, it was never because he wanted to.

And he definitely wasn't distancing himself now. Death suited Auron, as morbid as that sounded. In the entire ten years Tidus had known him, he couldn't remember him ever looking this peaceful. His high collar was down, and his glasses were nowhere to be seen. Tidus wondered how much of the change was due to the cycle of death in Spira being broken, his reunion with Braska and Jecht, or the lack of strain from being unsent.

Auron gave him a pointed look and Tidus realized he'd been speaking. "Uh, sorry, what?"

"I asked if you were alright," Auron said, carefully impassive.

Tidus frowned. "My old man asked me that the other day."

"Hn." Auron regarded him closely. Tidus instantly recognized it as his 'I'm-going-to-scan-you-for-bullshit-and-if-you-lie-I'll-know' look. "Jecht wanted me to ask you. He thought you'd be more likely to tell me."

"Tell you what?" Tidus asked.

"What's bothering you."

Tidus closed his eyes and tried to think through the haze. Yeah, something was definitely _ bothering _him, but he had no idea what it was. The Farplane was a paradise, one of infinite possibilities. Tidus had tried leaving their little area, and if he walked in any direction other than the flower garden, he'd eventually come across whatever he wanted. His favorite arcade in Zanarkand, the stadium in Luca, the boat he and Auron had lived in for years. Anything he wanted, he could have. There was no reason for him to be unhappy here.

And yet.

"I don't know," he said eventually, wrapping his arms around his knees. "I guess I just miss everyone."

"Miss… everyone?" Auron asked, almost too casually. "Or someone in particular?"

Tidus didn't answer.

\---

"It's okay to miss her, you know."

Tidus looked over to the woman on his right. Braska's wife, Cid's sister, Yuna's mother. A woman with gentle blond hair and swirling green eyes. Tidus was actually relieved when he met her and found that Rikku resembled her much more than Yuna did. Yuna had her father's brown hair and soft, pale skin, his delicate summoner's hands and his quiet smile. The only things Tidus could see for sure that Yuna had gotten from her mother was her one green eye and her uncompromising strength.

And her ability to see right through him.

"Of course I know it's okay," he said. "I just… I want her to keep living, you know? I want her to get older, move on, find someone nice to spend the rest of her life with. That sort of thing."

She looked a little surprised. "You want Yuna to fall in love?"

"If she wants to!" Tidus said, laying out the vegetables he'd just cut on a platter. The sandwich spread was almost ready. They'd be having lunch soon. "She spent so long doing what other people want. I want her to do what _ she _wants, now. So."

"And you think you missing her will stop her somehow?"

"Well, no… but I… you know. It's the principle of the matter."

"Oh, _ is _ it now?" Okay, yep, she was definitely teasing him now. Very unlike Yuna. She had very rarely teased him, and the only time he had ever teased _ her _was at Djose Temple, when Yuna had woken up the day after Operation Mi'hen with bedhead.

Tidus pouted. "It _ is _ ." He relented under her unimpressed stare. "Okay, maybe it's not. I just feel like if I'm too hung up on her - on the past - _ you know, _ she'll feel it somehow, and she won't move on. And I want her to."

Yuna's mother finished laying out the deli meat on a tray and picked it up. Tidus gathered the other trays, ready to take the food out to where everyone else was waiting on the back patio. "If she doesn't find someone else, when she comes here she'll probably still want to be with you."

It was a little weird for a mother to be talking about her daughter's eventual death so casually, but honestly the Farplane wasn't so bad. And she had a point. Tidus had thought about it a lot, thought about how whenever and however Yuna made her way here they could be together again.

But no. "I don't want her to sacrifice her happiness in life just for a shot of being with me when she's dead," Tidus said. "I just want her to be happy."

"Even if it's not with you?"

"You got it."

She gave him a dazzling smile. "That's unexpectedly mature of you."

"Thanks!... Hey, what you do mean 'unexpectedly?'"

\---

Meeting Chappu was a little unnerving. Tidus had seen his image when they'd visited the Farplane in Guadosalam, but he still wasn't expecting _ this _. The first time he stood face to face with Chappu it was like he was staring into a mirror. They really did look similar. The only difference in their faces was Chappu's slightly darker skin and his carrot red hair.

Like Wakka's.

Tidus pointed it out with some humor, and Chappu got excited, asking what Wakka had been up to for the past few years. It seemed odd that he didn't already know, since Wakka had spilled pretty much everything during that one visit, but Tidus indulged him anyway.

"So, my big brother was one of the guardians who defeated Sin," Chappu said in awe. "It's probably weird for a little brother to say this, but I'm proud of him."

"I don't think it's weird," Tidus said. "I'm proud of him, too."

"And he gave you my sword, even! I used to regret not taking it, but I guess if it helped you guys defeat Sin it was worth leaving it behind. Wonder what Wakka's doing with it now."

Tidus sighed, flexing his right hand around the memory of the water sword's firm handle. It felt like it had been ages since the last time he wielded it. "I bet he's got it on display somewhere. Maybe all our weapons are up in some hut in Besaid, and he's charging an entrance fee."

Chappu laughed. His laughter was nothing like Wakka's, barky and rough, but it was laughter nonetheless. "Come see for yourself, folks, the weapons that killed Sin!"

"What d'you think he's using the money for?" Tidus asked with a snort.

Chappu shifted a little, resting back on his palms. When he spoke again, his voice was quieter. "Maybe to rebuild Kilika. Maybe to rebuild Home."

"I bet he is. Wakka's got a good heart." Tidus stood up and stretched. The Farplane had changed itself over the course of their conversation, shifting seamlessly to match Tidus's memories of all the places they'd visited in Spira. Chappu had been fascinated to see all the little things that had changed since he died, although seeing Kilika and the ruins of Home was hard for both of them. Right now, they were sitting at the end of Mushroom Rock Road, looking out over the bay.

The image shifted again. Now they were in Besaid, with its tall swaying palm trees and its bright blue sky.

"How's… how's Lu?" Chappu asked. "Is she doing okay?"

Tidus paused. Right then and there, he realized that he and Chappu had more in common than just the same face. They had the same worry, too. The difference was while no one could ease Tidus's anxieties, he could ease Chappu's.

Maybe. It was 50/50 on whether he got angry or not.

He decided to go for it. Why not, really? He'd know in a few decades regardless. "She still misses you. They both do. But I think, at least at the end of it all it looked like, well. You know."

Chappu stared at him. "Lu and my brother got together?"

"I heard them talking one night, before we fought Sin. They wanted to settle down together and work things out after the fight."

Chappu kept staring. Tidus was starting to get worried when he broke out into a grin.

He jumped up and fist bumped the air. "Damn, that makes me feel good! I'd been so worried about both of them, you know? Now that I know they're happy I can get some rest."

Tidus smiled. "You're not jealous?"

"Maybe a little," Chappu admitted. "But I'm more relieved than anything else. I mean, wouldn't you feel the same way about your girl?"

Tidus looked over Besaid, his eye catching on the temple. It was the first place he'd ever seen Yuna. The place where he'd, without realizing it, started falling in love with her.

"Yeah," he said, "I would."

He realized with a start that he didn't mean it as much as Chappu did.

\---

Tidus spent the next several days out at the beach. He'd stand at the shore, then wade into the water and let the waves crash against his legs. Sometimes he thought up a blitzball to kick around, but mostly he just watched the horizon. The cycle of day and night was weird in the Farplane, since there was no sun or moon. It was just bright during the day, then slowly dimmed until it was night. The seasons were weird, too. It switched randomly from winter to summer to spring to fall on a day by day basis. Once they'd had twenty snow days in a row. Jecht had complained about the weather, but refused to put on the winter coat Auron had thrown at him.

They were funny, Auron and Jecht and Braska. Tidus was happy they were all together again.

Really.

He'd expected Jecht or Auron or maybe Chappu to come get him after he spent enough time watching the waves, but they didn't. Instead it was Braska, stripped down to a light shirt and trousers, who came to stand next to him as the day fell into night again.

"Hello," he said easily.

"Hi," Tidus replied.

"Everyone's worried about you," Braska said, quickly getting the point. If it was Jecht or Auron here, they'd probably best around the bush for a while. Jecht because he was still awkward around his son, and Auron because when he'd tried the direct approach a few months earlier he'd failed. Braska had no such concerns about failure, it seemed.

"I'm sorry," Tidus said reflexively, "for making them worry."

"It's alright." Braska reached down to feel the water with his hand. "My wife says you miss Yuna."

Tidus frowned. "I don't want to."

"I heard."

They stood there for a while longer. Tidus knew it wasn't like himself to be so quiet. Maybe that's why everyone was worried. But the truth is, he'd often kept his worst concerns, his worst feelings, deep inside his heart. He had a habit of talking about the easy stuff ("I hate my father" and "he was a drunken jerk"), because if he did people wouldn't ask about the harder stuff ("I have no idea what I'm doing anymore" and "I'm terrified of being abandoned.") When he got to Spira, “I can’t remember” became code for “I’m terrified and restless and I want to go home, even if it’s in ruins.”

And now, "I miss Yuna," while painful and true, had also become code for something deeper.

Braska sighed. “I’m very grateful to you, for loving my daughter so much. All I ever wanted was for her to find happiness and peace, and you gave that to her.”

She’s easy to love, Tidus thought, but he felt too embarrassed to say that to her dad of all people. Instead, he settled on “I didn’t do much. Yuna was already strong on her own.”

“Maybe,” Braska said, “but please don’t undersell yourself. After all, it was ‘your story,’ right?”

Tidus couldn’t help but laugh at that. He’d been selfish, and he’d known it, but it really had been his story. It was Yuna’s pilgrimage, but it had started with his coming to Spira and ended with his death. Yuna’s story would be much happier, told in a Spira free of Sin and Yevon.

Free of him, too, but that was okay. She’d be fine.

“Tidus,” Braska said, looking at him kindly, “you don’t like it when Auron spends time with Jecht and I, yes?”

Tidus froze. “Uh. What? Why would I, um, care about that? Nope, I don’t care!”

“Tidus,” Braska said.

“I mean, come on! Auron took care of me for _ ten years _. I owe him. And this is the first time I’ve ever seen him really happy! Why would that bother me?”

“Auron was happy caring for you,” Braska said. “You made him happy.”

“Nah, I really didn’t,” Tidus said. He really didn’t like where this conversation was going. “I mean, he was just keeping a promise to my old man."

“That isn’t true and you know it.” Braska placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Tidus, I understand. You lost your father, then your mother. Auron was your surrogate father. He stayed by your side until the end, and now it feels like Jecht and I have taken him away from you.”

“I….”

“That’s one of the reasons you miss Yuna so much, too, yes? You’re lonely.” The words were spoken kindly, but they felt like accusations. Tidus sighed, knowing that Braska only wanted to help. He wasn’t judging him, or chiding him. He was just trying to reassure the son of his best friend that he was wanted.

“You should come home and talk to us,” Braska continued. “We can let you and Auron talk alone, if you want, but I think it would be better if we all sat down together and -”

“You’re wrong,” Tidus said. “Look, I know Auron loves me. I know Dad loves me. I know they’re not going to forget about me just because I’m not all they have left anymore.”

Braska frowned. His eyebrows knit together. The expression reminded Tidus of Yuna. “Then what -”

Tidus shook his head. When the night shifted back into day without him saying another word, Braska left.

Tidus kept on watching the sea.

\---

It was another winter day. Snow swirled around in the air, crisp and chill as Tidus breathed it in. He’d spent much of the day helping Auron tidy up the house (mostly picking up after Jecht, who never could kick his habit of throwing trash on the ground instead of in the bin), and he needed some air. The snow was falling on the flower bed, too, and Tidus marvelled at the layers of frost lying over the pink petals. The flowers looked like they were made out of crystal, glimmering and fragile.

It had been almost a week since his talk with Braska. He’d caught the three of them, along with Braska’s wife, talking in low voices outside or in the living room when they thought he was asleep. Almost every day, Auron and Jecht had found some excuse to spend one-on-one bonding time with him; it was a little annoying to be interrupted whenever he was doing something to be dragged outside for sparring or blitzball, but it was nice. Not to mention watching Jecht try to be subtle was a level of comedy all of its own. Tidus could scarcely keep himself from bursting into laughter at the sight of it.

He felt a little guilty, though. No doubt they all misunderstood the nature of his problem. He didn’t need to be assured of their love for him as a son or anything. He’d learned the skills to deal with that little problem years ago, when he still lived in the Dream Zanarkand, under the instruction of a rather skilled therapist. His problem was actually a new one, although he’d had it for - well, for however long he’d been in the Farplane and for several months before that.

The only difference was he didn’t have the energy to produce enough confidence to cover it up anymore. So here it was, rearing its ugly head for all to see. And Tidus hated it.

Why couldn’t he just laugh it off like always?

He stopped walking. The flowers were surrounding him now, as far as the eye could see. An ocean of crystal. He couldn’t see the beach behind him, wasn’t even sure if the way he was looking was the right direction; he’d been so lost in thought it would've been easy for him to get turned around. He laughed a little at his own carelessness. When another laugh joined his, he wasn’t really surprised.

He hadn’t seen her, but he’d felt her presence.

His mother came up beside him, keeping at a respectable distance. She didn’t say anything for a while, just looked, then smiled sadly.

“I can hardly see anything of myself in you,” she said. “All I see is Jecht.”

Tidus had no idea what to say to that.

“I guess that’s only right.” She brought a hand up to rub her other arm nervously. “I wasn’t much of a mother to you, was I?”

“He wasn’t much of a father,” Tidus said, quick to defend her against herself even though he knew she was right.

“At least he looked at you,” she continued. “At least he cared.”

“You didn’t.”

“...I'm sorry.”

They stood there again for a while. Tidus loved his mother, but the admission didn’t really hurt. It was something he’d figured out a long time ago. He was born because his father wanted a kid, and his mother was always so very eager to please him. She’d never felt much for him at all, had always been surprised when he came home late in the evening because she thought he was already home, had sometimes forgotten to cook him meals or send him to bed on time. If ever. She’d been better than Jecht, but better didn’t necessarily mean good.

“I know how much you love him,” Tidus said. “Why haven’t you gone to see him?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Try me.”

His mother cleared her throat. “Well. He’s not the man I knew, is he?”

“Nah,” Tidus said. “Spira changed him.”

“He’s not Jecht, star player of the Zanarkand Abes, anymore,” she murmured.

“He’s better now,” Tidus said. “He outgrew Zanarkand.”

“He outgrew me, you mean.” The little wrinkles around her eyes crinkled when she smiled. “You don’t have to be nice, dear.”

He laughed because he didn’t know what else to do. It didn’t actually feel like he was talking to his mother at all. He loved her, had always loved her with all his heart, but before Jecht disappeared he could convince himself that it was his dad taking away her attention. That with Jecht gone, she’d finally look at him.

Then she'd died, and he'd blamed Jecht again, for taking her away. But that wasn't really right. It hadn't been anyone's fault, really, but the bottom line was she’d died to join her husband, and left him behind. He couldn’t blame Jecht for that. But he couldn’t blame her for it either. He could never.

Tidus cleared his throat. This was so much worse than seeing her ghost in Guadosalam.

“Did you… was your life good, at least?” she asked. “You died young, but… did you have fun?”

She sounded like she was asking about a field trip, but at least she was trying, and Tidus appreciated it. “Yeah. I fell in love with the most wonderful girl I'd ever met. And then I died for her world.”

“The same world your father died for?”

“Yeah.”

“I see,” she said. Day was breaking again. With it came another shift in the seasons. Already the snow was melting off the flowers, dripping cool water onto the earth beneath them. “Something’s troubling you.”

“I was wrong. I couldn't find a place here. I don't _ belong _ here,” Tidus said immediately. “Not here in the Farplane, but here with _ them_. My old man, Auron, Braska - everyone, they might be at peace here, but I’m not. It’s exactly what happened in Spira, where I’m the odd one out and no matter what I do I’ll never really be one of them. Spira was never my world.” He brought his hands up, looked at them, and tried to keep his eyes from watering. “Now at least I don’t have to pretend I’m something I’m not, but I still don’t have a place here. I just want to belong somewhere. I just want someone by my side.”

“You didn’t have that in Spira? With Yuna, Rikku, Wakka? Lulu and Khimari, too? And Auron?” The melted snow started to soak through Tidus's shoes. “Spira is the only world, Tidus. You lived in it. You died for it. It _ is _your world.”

“I just want to belong somewhere.”

“That’s life. A constant struggle to find your place, your people. You thought it was Zanarkand, but you weren’t really alive there. You were always meant to be in Spira.”

"I can't think that way. Yuna… she deserves to move on."

"You're being selfish. You're not considering her feelings. She might not want to let go of you."

“I can’t go back.”

“Are you sure?”

The wind blew. Tidus looked up. His mother was gone, and all he could see was the endless sea of flowers.

That… hadn’t really been his mom, had it?

His stomach grumbled. He could really use one of Wakka’s traditional Besaid dinners right now.

\---

They were barbecuing on the patio when he heard it. Faint, barely there, but something about it was so much more real than the beach and the house and the pyreflies the Farplane was made out of. It had substance, and weight, like the flowers that grew out of the sea. Tidus gasped. He knew what that sound was.

It was Yuna’s whistling.

Without saying a word to anyone, he vaulted over the patio fence and ran for the sea. He could vaguely hear Jecht yelling “_where’re you going, the ribs are almost done_” but it was just background noise against that whistle. It was growing louder and louder, sometimes cutting out as Yuna misplaced her fingers and started blowing air, but it always came back. The sound created a wind that pushed at the waves and rustled the flowers. He reached them in record time.

Without hesitation he ran through them.

He’d always felt the ground beneath the flowers before, but this time he found himself sinking into them, as if they were growing in mud, and then water. He was waist deep when Jecht and Auron got to the edge of the field, with Braska, his wife, and Chappu trailing behind.

“Kid, where are you _ going_?!” Jecht yelled.

Tidus looked back, but didn’t stop running. “I have to go. She’s calling me! I promised I’d come running if she called. _ I have to go_!”

Jecht gave him an unmistakable ‘what the hell’ look, but he stopped following Tidus when Auron placed a hand on his shoulder.

His guardian raised him a glass and yelled “enjoy your world!”

Tidus grinned and sank into the sea.

\---

A place to belong. A person to be with. A world to live in.

Tidus was alive, and it had never felt better.

\---


End file.
